A Day with Roxanne
by Explosive Watermelon
Summary: Roxy and I need therapeutic help... and who else can we turn to but St. Fang of Boredom? It's for her contest. T for lanuguage and out of control OC.


**So, I'm sure all of you good people have heard of St. Fang of Boredom's Sequal Contest by now (and if you haven't, check it out). Well, I am participating! :D**

**This is by far the longest thing I've ever written... and it was so much fun. I really hope I got the weirdness level right...**

**Oh, and the Disclaim: I don't own Maximum Ride, Saint, Spiffy, Pooky, Quill, Coke, Pepsi, Kind Leonidas, King Aragorn, or corn, which I only own a portion of.**

**Claim: I am mine, if that makes sense. Roxy is also mine.  
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Patron's POV

I patted Roxanne on the head, "Don't worry, Roxy, we're gonna get you help. This chick has, ah, fanfiction powers or whatever," I attempted to comfort her as we sat in the waiting room at St. Fang's Center for Fanfiction-Effected Characters.

"Uh… Are you the Patron Saint of, ah, Lunches?" I heard a voice ask.

I turned to see Fang give me a confused look. Maybe it was the fact I was wearing knee-high socks that didn't match. Maybe it was the fact I was sitting next to a sobbing girl with cat ears and a tail. Life is just full of mysteries, isn't it?

"Yep, that's me," I said, standing up, "C'mon, Roxy."

Roxy sighed, her ears drooping.

Fang's face was characteristically unreadable as I followed him up a flight of stairs to Saint's office.

"_Cry baby cry, make your mother sigh, you're old enough to know better, so,-,"_ I heard a voice sing, only to be cut off by Roxy.

"You _really_ aren't helping, man-bitch!"

"Roxy! Keep it PG!" I saw the voice was Quill's. Since when did a werewolf sing?

I didn't catch Fang's reaction to Roxy's little outburst, but continued to follow him down the corridor, not attempting to make conversation with the sullen teen.

He led us into a nice office, where a girl in a black Cloak of Doom was arguing with someone on the phone.

Fang cleared his throat, "Saint?"

She covered the receiver on the phone, "What!" She snapped.

"Your three o' clock is here."

"Oh!" Saint quickly hung up the phone, "Let them in!"

I walked in with Roxy sauntering behind me. I sighed heavily. She had gone from emotional basket case to too-cool-for-school in seconds flat. Violent mood swings: I could put that at the top the list of things that were going wrong.

Saint reviewed a few notes, "So I see we have a case of OC imbalance?"

I nodded, "You see, I started writing her story a while ago, but it's just been rotting in my computer for the longest time…"

"And why didn't you finish this story?"

"I was afraid…" I shot a nervous glance at my OC.

"What? Can't you just say it? Or are you afraid to admit the _truth?_" Roxy demanded.

"I'm not afraid!" I countered.

"Then why don't you just say it?" She challenged.

I took a deep breath, and let it whoosh out, "Okay, the thing is I was worried that Roxy might become a… become a…"

"A what?" Saint prompted.

"A Mary-Sue!" I blurted, "When I started writing, I didn't have her character fully developed, and by the time the first chapter was done, I saw what she becoming…" My voice trailed off.

Saint studied Roxy, who now showed no sign of the defiant character she just had. She now was ashamedly hanging her head, her shoulders slopping and hands folded forgivingly.

"Hm… I've seen cases worse. What's she an OC for?" Saint questioned, studying Roxy closely.

"Maximum Ride," I answered, "Actually… you might want to know, I created a whole community of OC's for her story…"

"Please don't tell me I'm going to have a whole army of OC's in here? I already have enough to deal with…"

"No, my other OC's are perfectly stable. But Roxanne is still, so to speak, a live wire," I told her.

Saint glanced at Fang, who was now napping on a bookshelf, "She isn't paired with one of the flock, is she?"

I shook my head quickly, "No way. I support Eggy and Fax… and sometimes Faint," I added with a sly grin.

Under the shadow of her hood, I could guess Saint was blushing. She cleared her throat, "Right, uh, moving along… I don't think Roxy is in too much trouble of becoming a Mary Sue, but just in case, I'd like her whole story," She reached into one of the drawers in her desk and pulled out a Nerf gun.

She shot Fang with the foam darts a few times, startling out of his cat-nap – er, bird-nap? Whatever.

"Fang! Wake up and escort Roxy to the waiting room," Saint commanded.

"Would it kill you to say please?" Fang grumbled.

Saint shot him with another Nerf bullet, and said sarcastically, "Please?"

The last Nerf shot shook Fang off his balance, and he fell rather ungracefully to the ground.

I couldn't help but laugh, "I give it an eight. Your dismount was nice, but your landing needs work."

Fang stood up and glared at me, "You know, even though I'm a therapist's assistant, I still have the super-strength to kick your butt."

I smiled, "And I still have the super-internet access to ruin your life with yet _another_ fanfiction!"

Fang's face paled and he rather hastily ushered Roxy out of the office.

When they were gone, I turned back to face Saint, "So, you want to know everything?"

"Yup. Spill."

* * *

Fang's POV

So, one minute the cat-girl is telling Quill off like she's the president's daughter, and the next she's singing along to "Hey Jude". Mood swing much?

She waved goodbye to Quill when we reached one of the many waiting rooms scattered throughout the building.

"Hello, Fang!" Spiffy called from where he was playing checkers with Pooky.

"Hey, Spiff, hey, Pooky. What's up?"

Pooky then made a winning move, jumping three of Spiffy's checkers in one motion.

"Wahoo! I win!" Pooky yelled in triumph.

After a moment of disbelief, Spiffy pulled out a miniature Jello Catapult and began flinging little cubes of Jello at Pooky's checker pieces.

"Haha! Jello beats all, and that means I win!"

"Hey! You're cheating!"

"I am not!"

"You are so!"

Just then, King Leonidas burst in from the hall, "CONQUER!" He proceeded to slice the checkerboard in half.

Roxy nudged me, "Is that King Leo?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Whatever you do, don't mention –,"

"This is MADNESS!" Roxy yelled, happily throwing her arms in the air.

King Leo turned at the words and shouted in the classic response, "Madness? This is SPARTA!"

"– madness…"

"Go forth, King Leonidas, conquer the toiletries in the second floor women's bathroom!" Roxy commanded, jumping on to a chair and pointing dramatically out the door.

At the prompting, Kind Leo charged down the hallway, shouting, "CONQUER!"

My mouth was agape, "Do you know what you just did? His case was hard enough already without you telling him to invade the ladies room!"

Roxy giggled, "Oh, he's harmless. Hey, is there a café or something in this place? I'm starved."

I raised my eyes to the ceiling, thinking, _what have you gotten yourself into, Fang?_ I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself to face the erratic character.

My eyes still closed, I began, "Listen, Roxy, you're going to have to –,"

"Fang?" Spiffy interrupted me.

I whirled to face the Hobbit, "What, Spiffy?"

"She's gone."

"WHAT!"

Saint's POV

I tapped my pen against my desk.

"So… do you think you can help her?" Patron urged me to give and answer.

I nodded, "There's still hope for your OC. She appears to be one of my least stressful cases, so I'll –,"

"Saint!" I was cut off by Fang barging into my office, out of breath as if he had run here.

"What is it, Fang?"

"I lost Roxanne!"

A sudden crying erupted from Christians crib.

I dashed over and plucked him out of the crib, trying to rock him gently and yell at Fang in a stage-whisper, "You lost a client? Fang, tell me, how you manage to lose an entire _person!_"

"We can discuss your assistant's inadequacies later, but right know I'd really like to know: where the hell is Roxanne?" Patron demanded, rising from her seat.

"Hey," Fang protested, "I am _not_ inadequate!"

"I really don't care!" She shot back.

"Will you both be quiet?" I hissed at them, "Here, Fang, take Christian and _stay here_."

"But –,"

"No but's! We will discuss this later," I glared at him as I shut the door.

Patron stared at me, "Um, Saint?"

"What?"

"We kinda need his help…"

I face palmed and reopened the door, "Forget what I just said. You're coming with us."

"What about Christian?"

"He's coming too, now can we please go now?"

Roxanne's POV

I can't believe they gave me an _escort_. I am the Roxanne. I don't need a freaking _escort! _I had now entirely lost my appetite._  
_

I shook my head, stomping down the second floor hallway, taking whatever turn I felt like, not caring how hopelessly lost I got.

Suddenly, I found myself at a dead end hallway with an intimidating door in front of me.

The door was solid metal, with a heavy lock and a very clearly posted sign that said: _DO NOT OPEN. EVER. AT ALL. TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY. SERIOUSLY. _

In that case, I had to open it. I was half _cat_, for fanfictions sake.

So I began to work at the lock, which really didn't take long. I was superhumanly strong, stronger than the flock, even, because most cats are stronger than most birds, so… you get the picture.

I finally broke the lock, and with a huge heave, finally yanked the door open. There was nothing but darkness, and a deep feeling of dread overcame me. A girl strode out of the gloom, a sad smile on her face.

"Hello," She said with a voice that made me think of sunshine and rainbows and… sappy things, "I'm Claire Rainbow Bella Sparkle Jones. Welcome to the Mary Sue room."

I stared at the freakishly perfect girl. I think my eye twitched. I'd heard Patron rant about Mary Sues before, but I never thought…

"Are you one of us?" She asked with a smile so sweet I wanted to knock a couple of her teeth out and unravel her blonde, ringleted hair.

I shook my head, "No," Was I becoming like this freak of nature? "I'll never be like you…," If I was, could I stop it? "…never – NEVER!" I yelled, slamming the door in her perfect face, hoping I broke her perfect nose.

I sprinted madly down the hall, pumping my legs hard to get away from the perfect hell.

After countless hallways, numerous staircases, and a plethora of confused looks, I found myself sprawled across the linoleum floor, running too fast to see what I tripped on.

"OW!"

I sat up to see a hobbit, clutching his head and muttering curses in a language I didn't understand.

"Spiffy?"

He looked up at me, "Roxy!" He pulled out a walkie-talkie, "Hey, guys! I found her!" He put away the walkie-talkie and promptly stood up, not really adding much height.

I stood up and followed without question. I don't think I needed therapy any more. That experience with Claira Rainy Bobo Sparky Jonas had been enough to snap everything into perspective. Now, I knew that silence was uncharacteristic for me. Normally I was energetic and motivating. Optimistic.

When we rendezvoused back at Saint's office, I could practically feel the tension rolling off the room in waves.

We weren't noticed immediately by the motley little group, because Patron and Fang were too busy glaring at each other, King Leo was 'conquering' a lamp, Pooky was trying to play cards with Christian, who just giggled and drooled on the cards, much to Pooky's dismay.

"Hey, we're back," Spiffy announced.

Patron's head snapped up, and when she saw me, relief immediately spread on her face, "You're okay!" She leapt up and crushed me in a hug.

I knew myself well enough to know I didn't like attention, and I did _not_ like hugs.

Before I could protest though, she pulled back and gave me a harsh look, "Where _exactly_ did you go?"

I shrugged awkwardly, "I just left. And I ended up…," I gulped, "Somewhere awful."

"Where?" Saint asked curiously.

"The – Mary Sue room," I choked out.

There was a collective gasp.

"That explains why you were running like mad," Spiffy reasoned.

"MADDNESS? THIS – IS – SPARTA!" King Leo declared.

Saint ignored him, "So, Roxy, what did we learn today?"

I sighed, "I learned Mary Sues are the bane of my existence…"

"And?"

"… I shouldn't run off by myself in a Therapy Center…"

"And?"

"… Curiosity killed the cat-girl…"

"_Aaand?_"

You're gonna love this: "Today, I learned who I truly am."

And then everyone got all teary-eyed and there was a group hug, and we all shared just how _special_ we thought the others were, and we lived happily ever after…

…

HA, that was pretty good, right? God, I hope you didn't believe that load of crap…

Anyway, this is what _really_ happened:

Fang burst out laughing, "Who you truly are! A-are you s-serious? Oh, dear God, that is the biggest load of crap I have _ever_ heard! That's so freaking _sappy_ – oh, i-is it group hug time, or-or what?"

I glared at him, "What, did you want me to lie to you? That's what happened, so can't we just drop it?"

Patron patted my shoulder, "No worries, I'll write a Figgy fic when I get home."

Fang instantly stood up straight and stopped laughing, "You wouldn't."

"But I would," Patron said with a rather twisted grin.

Saint smiled, "Well, I guess Mary Sues are good for something," She gave me a thumbs-up, "I say you're cured!"

"Whoo-hoo! Let's hit the cafeteria!" I said with an amount of energy that would soon be called the usual. I did a kind of dance out into the hallway, only to trot back, "By the way… where _is_ the cafeteria?"

Patron's POV

So, with Roxy cured, we all went down to the cafeteria and stuffed our faces. Touching, really.

Just as I finished my burger, King Aragorn angrily stomped up to me, "Why wasn't _I_ in this fanfiction!"

I cursed under my breath, "I knew I forget something!" I sighed, and then saw there was an extra Coke.

I offered it to Saint, "Coke?"

She shook her cloaked head, "Nah, I'm really more of a Pepsi person myself. They make Mountain Dew."

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**Sorry, Aragorn...**

**And about the random Coke vs. Pepsi bit... Ya' see, I asked Saint which she liked more because the information was apparently important to the story. Then I left the story alone for a long time because I am _lazy_, and I didn't remember my original plot line, so I had to throw the information in there at some point, and this was it.**

**So, was that any good? I've never done a one shot before... but I have a good idea for an Eggy one, which could possibly find itself up for you good people to view very soon! ;)**

**I bet you're very tempted to press that button... you know the one... it's so pretty and, and _blue_...  
**


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